Yes it is my birthday …..69th birthday to be exact. And my state of mind is in total confusion.

On one hand I am happy to be healthy, (save the torn meniscus I had scoped 2 Mondays ago) still working construction ( my endurance is not what it was ….8-10 hrs a day 5-6 days a week … now 5-7 hrs and 4-5 days), still playing tennis and ice hockey ( though not at the level of earlier years which is to be expected but still able to keep up to 30-40 year olds ….mostly), and still have my mental capacity (though I am very uncertain and confused).

Most of my confusion and uncertainty has to do with things beyond my control, namely our political atmosphere in the USA. Our leadership, all under the right wing republican party, is in complete upheaval. The president is mentally incapable of leading our country and the house and senate is completely incapable of discerning this fact and acting accordingly. They support this less than desirable human being, let alone leader of our country, and refuse to act to remove him and knock him off his course of destroying our democracy. All of his actions suggest he is leading our country to an oligarchic form or worse yet a fascist government much like Germany in the 1930s. Look at the actions of Hitler and Putin and compare them to numb nuts dt. (I refuse to say his name or address him as president. (He did lose the election by +/_ 3,000,000 votes). See the obvious!

Also I am at that age where I had planned to slow down and enjoy more free time for activities I didn’t have time for while working those long hours to get ahead like fly fishing, more hockey and tennis, more time to write my thoughts down, more time to spend with my precious wife of 46 years, more time to spend with my wonderful kids and my one and only grandson, more time to just slowdown and “smell the roses.”

That was not to be, thanks to the Bush administration’s economic policies and the corrupt banks and Wall Street players who brought our country’s economy to its knees in the great recession. Not only did ten of millions of working class Americans loose their retirement money but I lost all as well, $2.5 million plus down the tubes, gone, never to be recovered, a life’s work and savings gone thanks to those crooks who, by the way, are doing even better than before thanks to our government supporting them financially through the rough time while completely ignoring the losses of the people.

And, how does this country answer these problems? By putting the very same types that caused the problem into positions of power. Dt drained the swamp of scumbags by putting bigger scumbags in leadership and advisory positions. Still, his followers have no clue of the scam he is running. This troubles me greatly. People I know and enjoy friendship with are blinded by this con. This is not just dems vs repubs, no this goes much further. This is way over the top.

Growing up in the 50s and 60s we were taught that hard work and some sacrifice could lead to a good life and a good retirement reward for your efforts. Honestly and integrity were prized as characteristics we should hold dear. Businesses opened to make money and prosper but to do that they were, or seemed to be, civic-minded; if it were good for society and for the individual it would sell.

Today, with the vast numbers of people, to hell with civic responsibility and whether or not people will like the product. Dt and his buddies believe if you don’t like it, don’t buy it, someone else will. To hell with being civic-minded, it costs too much. If it’s bad for the environment too bad, we need to make more and more money. Who cares if the poor get poorer, and the middle class is being reduced. We are making MONEY; that’s all that counts.

They can then buy political power and get laws passed that help themselves. If their laws hurt the masses, tough shit. The people are welcome come up with a product or service that can screw people and the country and the environment, and they too can make lots and lots of money, join our ranks and buy more political power.

Soon, if all goes well for them, we will truly be an oligarchy.

This is not the America I grew up in, not the America I worked the majority of my life in, not the America I had hopes of semi-retiring in, and certainly not the America I want for my children and grandchildren.

The obsession for more and more money with little attention to humanity or the health of the earth is grotesque and undesirable. I believe the majority of Americans feels this way, yet because of a few scummy politicians like dt, Pence, McConnell, Ryan, Sessions, Bannon, and the like, we are faced with the most disgusting White House and Congress in my lifetime. It’s despicable.

The worst part is not just that these few bottom dwellers are in office, but that millions of Americans voted them in, whether by stupidity, ignorance, or blind faith because they were Republicans.

Millions of American’s are duped into thinking if the candidate has an “r” or a “d” by their name they must be worthy of the vote because the other team sucks. If you don’t believe me just watch Fox propaganda.

By the way, many of these Americans also seem to be thinking, “read my bible because it is the only right religious book. All those other religions worship a false god, only my God is the right God. Didn’t you know that, you heathen?”

What has happened to my country?

What has happened to the retirement plan I had?

Where has the respect for people all people gone?

Where is the honesty and integrity we were taught to aspire to?

Where is our present path leading us?

I watch as very important intelligent, quality people (Colin Powell, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Ruth B Ginsberg, and others, both with rs and ds by their names) fight for what they believe to be right then tread water. If they get nowhere how is lone little me supposed to advance what I think is right and just? How do I affect the path to a different future, one that considers all people as equal and deserving of fair treatment?

I am at a loss, and that more than anything weighs me down. Not only do I not have a business, (or the four streams of income we developed over the years …all sunk by the corruption of politicians like Bush, Cheney, etc. and bankers, wall streeters, and moneyed interests that buy political favor) or source of income, or money to invest for an income, but I have no house to call my own. Ironically, I build houses for a living.

Frankly, this position just sucks! I don’t know where to turn. I am older now. I don’t have the drive, motivation, or energy to start a new profitable business. I don’t have affordable housing now that the banks have all but a very small chuck of my previous net worth. My hometown priorities have shifted; they cater to money and not the people. If you have money, great, you can afford to live here; if you are a working stiff, see ya’.

Where do I turn and what do I do? On the one hand I have it all: love health life. On the other, I suck hind tit. Despite my woes, I know I still have it better than millions. So I will push on doing what I can. I will go on “looking for answers to questions that bother me so”(from Jimmy Buffet’s “He Went To Paris”) and all the time wishing I could be “living in the islands, fishing the pilings, and drinking my Green Label each day” (another Buffet song). Except, replace the green label with my beverage of choice!

Sick of our present situation like me? Take two aspirin and call me in the morning!